Weeping with the fatherless and the Widow

So long and thanks for all the fish

2006-02-24T15:43:00.000Z

In an effort to streamline the titles and places I publish I will need to admit that this blog is over. I will aim to keep it as an archive but you should no longer look for up dates here. Laity Online and Lord Matt (UK) will continue the story. Laity Online is a site where you can join in and share your views and opinions and Lord Matt will be covering a lot more range including a whole load of technical stuff. So that is it from this infrequesnt title. The book may end but the story continues. The end of this episode of the tale of a goth trying to love God in a world that hates difference (the church).

US shown to by hypocrits in "the war on terror"

2005-12-07T21:00:00.000Z

Flight to the dark side - World - theage.com.au: The revelations and others have provoked a storm of questions across Europe about the role of European governments in the US policy of 'extraordinary rendition' - a term that usually describes the abduction of terrorism suspects and their removal to countries where they can be interrogated outside the protection of US law. It is believed that in the past four years the US has rendered about 150 terrorist suspects, mainly to Middle Eastern countries such as Egypt, Jordan, Morocco and Syria. How many of these men have been tortured is unknown: two who say they were are Canadian Maher Arar and Australian Mamdouh Habib. Professor Paul Wilkinson, of the Centre for the Study of Terrorism and Political Violence at Scotland's St Andrew's University, thinks the EU must pursue the allegations, which he describes as unproven but extremely serious. "Respect for the rule of law and human rights is an absolutely essential part of tackling terrorism," Wilkinson says. "It is not a kind of luxury you can duck out of when you wish." He believes opposition to torture and detention without legal process is not just moral but the way to win the war on terror. "If we don't show that we live up to the declarations and conventions that we proclaim we follow, then we are open to the charge of hypocrisy," he said.

FOXNews.com - Views - ifeminists - PBS Film Ignites Fathers' Rights Debate

2005-12-05T22:03:00.000Z

A newly surfacing issue that has (despite protests by politically motivated persons) always existed is now being raised. It is a simple issue. After so many years of protesting that women must be protected from men it seems that the reverse is true - that men must be protected from women.

A resent news story tells of a man that must now sue a documentary maker for airing a film that portrays what some might call the signs of PAS but clearly shows a woman that may very well have abused her children as the victim in a battle that might never end.

FOXNews.com - Views - ifeminists - PBS Film Ignites Fathers' Rights Debate: "The documentary's ultimate credibility may hinge on one question: does it incorrectly portray Amina's mother as an heroic mom instead of a child abuser?"

Even if this man wins and is proven to be right in his claims - he still looses. As PAS (if proven) is not medically recognised there is little chance of him ever having a reasonable relationship with his children. That chance has been raped away from him by the adversarial system he must use.

The Future in the UK

2005-11-28T10:14:00.000Z

In a recent interview for EADT Fathers-4-Justice vet Matt O'Connor has spoken of the hard and personal cost of these past three years.

He points to the shocking use of the Fathers-4-Justice name by splinter groups who have become so fustrated that violence is now thier only option. He also speaks of death threats.

I do not wish to make his pain look small but over two years ago I had started saying that "this issue" (of mens rights) was going to become a hell of a lot more dangerouse if something was not done.

I pointed to the Austrailian Black Shirts movement and said look it is begining. I pointed back in time to the "womens liberation" movement and saw that broken windows, direct action and massive high publicity stunts had failed to get the rights of women addressed. It was esculating and would have continued to the point of IRA / PLO (etc) levels of psudo civil war had not world war two cropped up and proven the point for the ladies.

Matt see's the violence and is shocked. I see the same violence and see that things are going just as one might expect them to. In the next five years expect arson attacks and possibly mild assults and even small scale riots as things continue to esculate.

WHY: because when ever the civil rights of a group are oppressed rebellion of increasing violence is the result.

TDC Exposed: Update of Events

2005-10-10T17:29:00.000Z

TDC Exposed: Update of Events - Cricky! This bloke is getting kicked out of his home for speaking the truth to his local council.

They call the UK civilised but we are the worst abusers of human rights ON THE PLANET. I am ashamed to be british.

NO WHITES! -=- Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (ODPM)

2005-09-22T14:33:00.000Z

Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (ODPM) - Creating Sustainable Communities: "A £3 million Ethnic Minorities Innovation Fund (EMIF) has been announced by Housing Minister Yvette Cooper. The EMIF will help local authorities develop innovative projects that will reduce levels of homelessness within ethnic minority groups."

I can just here it now: "Sorry, we can't house you becuase you are white."

But the govenment is doing it so its not racist.

Adrian Plass: Claustrophobia

2005-09-03T18:25:00.000Z

Adrian Plass: Claustrophobia: "Not a hint of religion, nor a trace of narrowness, and as C.S. Lewis so famously said, there'll be a lot of surprises."

BBC NEWS | Business | Nestle insists on Ethiopia refund

2005-08-09T10:51:00.000Z

Can you say shocking.

BBC NEWS | Business | Nestle insists on Ethiopia refund: "'This is a company that has said publicly that one of the things it wants to do in the world is to help make poor people better off. This is a company that is trying to squeeze out of one of the poorest countries in the world $6m,' said Oxfam's director of policy in the UK, Justin Forsyth. "

bbc.co.uk - Relationships - Hitting Home - Common abusive behaviours

2005-08-05T14:56:00.000Z

A common sign of abuse is that your abuser will isolate you from every one arround you.

bbc.co.uk - Relationships - Hitting Home - Common abusive behaviours: "Isolation: monitoring or blocking your telephone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go, preventing you from seeing friends and relatives."

If this is happening to you then reach out and tell some one.

Men - you might think you are the only one but there are othrers. Me for example - I suffered domestic abuse for years and then I lost my son because of it. I have no idea where he is - please don't let that happen to you - tell some one.

A Quick Link: Promote Your Blog Correctly

2005-08-03T11:41:00.000Z

This blog is run by some-one I know and I want in on the free link

Promote Your Blog Correctly: "Another great freebie is us! Link to the site and when we detect the link we will add you to the 999 sites blog-roll. (Our plan is to do lots with that blog-roll including a full search if we can.)"

Fresh Sermon by Dr. James L. Wilson

2005-07-11T10:23:00.000Z

Fresh Sermon by Dr. James L. Wilson: "The gospel strips away barriers that divide us. Paul wrote, 'There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.' (Galatians 3:28 NASB) The gospel has the power to break down barriers. So why do we let our prejudices stand in our way from seeing the 'neighbor' in those around us? Why would race be a barrier? Shouldn't a church that takes this parable seriously be filled with people of all races and cultures? Why would we let preferences be a barrier? Shouldn't a church that takes this parable seriously be filled with people that like all types of music? Why would we let economic standing be a barrier? Shouldn't a church that takes this parable seriously be filled with people from all walks of life? "

icHounslow - Commuters hit as transport halted

2005-07-07T18:11:00.000Z

icHounslow - Commuters hit as transport halted: "Hundreds of thousands of commuters were attempting to get home from London after a day of travel chaos caused by the terrorist outrages in the capital. Although nearly all main line London rail stations were open by late afternoon, the Tube still remained shut. Bus services in the heart of the capital were only slowly returning to normal."

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

2005-07-04T10:35:00.000Z

"Mommy said I should take a knife and put it in your head and watch the blood drip, drip, drip ..." -- a child of 4 during visitation with his father.

This is the result of an issue too long ignored. Where the courts and children can become a weapon to hurt an ex-partner. All to often the attacker is the mother and the victim the father.

We say nothing.

One of the last times I ever saw my little boy he said "daddy, mummy doesn't like you", he was clearly unsettled and needed to talk. I didn't understand the depth of the problem then.

After she broke court orders and vanished I was able to speak to him a few times. One time he had had a nightmare and had refused to speak about it until his phone call to me. He'd dreamed that myself and his mother had been physically hurting each other and he was convinced it was real. At least that was the explanation his mother gave.

His mother has been using the line about violence to get the sympathy of whoever she has wished to use since shortly after the birth of my little boy.

They say if you hear a lie often enough you start to believe it.

A shocking and desperate generation has arisen one that is disillusioned with the law and with the courts. The last time this happened was prior to world war two and had escalated to acts of violence. We now call it: the women's liberation movement!

All these years later and the pattern is repeating. The active protests have started and deaf ears are closed to the crys of the marginalised.

This is the current state of the law in a country with the worst record of human rights abuse in the EU and that country is the United Kingdom of Great Briton.

I am ashamed of my country.

I wish I had some way of dumbing down this post to say that this is not happening but it is. The main issue of today is happening all over the world.

I am from the UK and it's pretty bad here. So much so that those war-torn countries are looking far more attractive to me on a daily basis.

PAS is something that disrupts children's lives and is an abuse more damaging then sexual abuse in many cases.

This abuse is carried out with the help of courts around the world.

This abuse is often misunderstood and can lead to endless social problems.

One group of activists called Fathers 4 Justice have this to say:

"100 children a day are torn away from loving caring dads and grandparents, let alone the social implications, unwanted teenage pregnancies, teenage crime, drug abuse, the list is endless, is it no wonder we have so many problems within the schools?"

Remember that shocking quote I opened with? Want to know how it happened?

PAS Parental Alienation Syndrome Children Divorce: "...this came from the mouth of a 4-year-old child. How and why did he say this? Because a loving, caring dad who pays his child support every month is not allowed to see his son for more than a few hours twice a week. The mother, who calls the father 'evil' and refuses to acknowledge that her child has emotional problems in the face of psychological reports submitted to the court, sees their child every day. The mother will tell anyone she meets that she is not preventing her child from seeing his father, but rather the courts are. This mother easily neglects the fact that she ran to the family court in the first place and obtained a restraining order preventing the father from seeing his son for no more than six hours a week. The child feels, lives and suffers from the severe emotional conflict that his mother has and continues to create. Rapidly being alienated from his father, with every passing hour, by the perverted, destructive distance that the mother maintains. This child is suffering from PAS."

This is extremely common.

Any person that believes in justice must surely stand up and say this can not continue.

I for one have a hard time convincing myself there is any justice in the UK these days.

What can I do to make a change?

What can I do to make a difference?

How can my voice be heard?

strangely this is an easy question to answer. Write to your local MP and tell them how you feel. Use clear language and quote facts and passages from articles that give good grounds for your feelings. Treat them like an advocate that is on your side when you write to them. Write expecting that they will use what you have said.

Then while you wait for an answer write to your favorite newspaper. Regularly published things like newspapers, journals and magazines often have a letters tot he editor section.

Comment on this site and on others to show you have noticed the need.

When your MP replies be prepared to meet with him or her and tell them what you would like them to do. This means understanding the issues enough to select a few key changes that need to be pushed.

develop an agenda (like a meetings agenda) a list of four or five social and political changes that you feel must happen. Whenever the opportunity to discuss the agenda arises do so but be sure to do so in a way that people will want to listen to you.

Tell your family, friends and workmates about the issues that concern you most. Be honest, don't preach tell them your worst fears.

Some times you can alert people to an issue by showing them the terrible impact it is having

Enquire without mercy.

What should I talk about?

2005-05-27T09:01:00.000Z

Should I write about my dream in which a burning light that killed all it found was unleashed by evil men. Should I talk about the message to flee from the evil place?

Or should I talk about this realitywhere I have not known where my son is since 15th September 2004. Should I talk about the factthat his mother left silently and now i can not even see him. Should I talk about the court orders she has breached and the official apathy that means no action will be taken but to declair the court order null and void.

Should I talk about the fact that the law is a toothless, spinless and bias institution that does worse than nothing to protect children.

My son could be dead and I have no way of knowing.

My little boy has been taken away and by the time I even see him his mother would have hd a year to indoctrinate him against me. Only unlike last time a visitation order is not in the way to slow her down.

I have lost all faith in justice.

Justice in the UK is a lie.

2005-05-01T10:02:00.000Z

Weeping with the Fatherless and the Widow makes these demands:

We raise our voice and agree with Families Need Fathers in the name of over 4 million in the UK who are oppressed and have no voice, who live in constant sadness morning a loss they can not voice, and in the name of the future generations hurt and abused by our lack of action;

We call for every Christian, weather Catholic, Anglican, or Free Church to kneel in the presence of Almighty God in contriteness and repentance to confess the shame of sin we have brought on our selves by failing to aid the helpless and the oppressed, for failing to speak for those who have no voice and for failing to protect the fatherless and the widow.

And then: to vow, before the throne of God, to work for a change in this country; to make Justice a watch word and not a lie; to heal and not to ignore; to lay down our freedom and our dignity, if we must, to fight to end the damage our inaction and blindness have allowed into this country.

To join with those who, without even knowing God, have seen the need and struggle to uphold values that we should have been upholding - to join with groups like Fathers 4 Justice and Families Need Fathers and raise our voice and demand:

No child shall be denied a full and proper relationship with both of its parents unless it has been shown that such a relationship presents a risk to the child.
Gender discrimination in social attitudes towards parenting, in policy in relation to the family and the family 'justice' system should end.
The 'winner takes all' nature of legal proceedings about children should end. The objective should become the best blend of both parents. Both parents should be given Residence Orders. Demeaning ‘Contact Orders’ should be replaced by ‘Parenting Time Orders’ given to both parents.
Breach of a court order to allow a child a relationship with both parents should become legally and socially unacceptable.
Fathers' involvement with their children is increasing rapidly. This should be welcomed and encouraged until it equals the care provided by mothers.
No child shall be put in day care or looked after by others if parental care is available.
Legal aid should cease to be available to fuel conflict between parents. Public funding should be available only to seek child centred and non-adversarial solutions to differences between parents.
‘Family friendly’ entitlements should be available to both parents equally.
Public money to support parenting - Child Benefit, Family Tax credits and the like - should be shared between carers according to the care and costs that fall on each. Child Support Agency calculations should be changed to reflect these costs fairly.
Allegations of violence and abuse should be investigated even-handedly with a thoroughness and speed that reflects their seriousness and urgency. Action should be taken against false or malicious allegations.
Parental Alienation should be recognised and dealt with.
Funding should cease to agencies that promote gender stereotypes.
Parenting should be given more social respect. The decline in the amount of time children spend with a parent - the cause of many of our social problems - should be reversed with priority going to making the contributions of the parents equal.
The importance of grandparents needs recognition. They should have the right to apply directly for court orders for the children to have time with them.
The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child should be incorporated into British domestic law.
The clause 'equality between spouses' in the European Convention on Human Rights should be ratified by the UK and included in the Human Rights Act.

FnF Election 2005 Manifesto

Women's activist and author Helen LaKelly Hunt talks about healing the divide between faith and feminism. -- Beliefnet.com

2005-03-13T16:18:00.000Z

Women's activist and author Helen LaKelly Hunt talks about healing the divide between faith and feminism. -- Beliefnet.com: "In her recent book 'Faith and Feminism: A Holy Alliance' Hunt analyzes the relationship between faith and the women's movement; she also profiles five religious women who were pioneers in the struggle for women's rights: Emily Dickinson, Teresa of Avila, Sojourner Truth, Lucretia Mott, and Dorothy Day. "

How can a movement so dedicated to oppression have anything to do with a movement dedicated to "proclaiming freedom for the captives"? I call Christian-Feminism outright hypocrasy!

2005-02-14T09:23:00.000Z

Sometimes I wonder at the blindness of us all

BBC NEWS | England | Merseyside | Teacher spared jail over assault

2005-02-02T16:54:00.000Z

BBC NEWS | England | Merseyside | Teacher spared jail over assault: "Teacher spared jail over assault Beryl Thompson admitted nine charges of common assault. A special needs teacher who admitted holding a child's head under water and smearing spaghetti on the faces of two children has been spared jail. At Mold Crown Court, Beryl Thompson, 53, was sentenced to 160 hours of community service after pleading guilty to nine charges of common assault. "

In reality, no-one has it all together

2005-01-30T20:19:00.000Z

Every now and then I read something and realise how wise it is.

In reality, no-one has it all together: "There are no Super-Christians God shows no favouritism, neither to the streetwise who look down on the citizens who truck off to their day jobs, nor to those who truck off to their day jobs and look down on the streetwise. God is no respector of perons. Outcast or in, we are equal. Today I move in different circles. I have more than one set of letters after my name. I enjoy getting out on the streets and talking to people too. I can't please everyone all the time, but I am what I am by the grace of God. That's enough. I need to say that there are millions of Christians in churches throughout the world who know that and live by it. "

Filtering by Domestic Blog Providers in China

2005-01-20T11:58:00.000Z

We should count ourselves lucky that we can complain:

Filtering in China: "
There are an estimated 300,000 bloggers in China, and thousands of new blogs are created daily. In addition to bloggers who use the service as an online diary, there are those who use blogs as a form of 'participatory journalism' discussing news, politics and government policy. The Chinese government actively regulates and restricts the Internet, including blogs, by employing a combination of legal and technological mechanisms to maintain information control.
Over the last year, the Chinese government has focused increasing attention on the control of blogs. Three popular domestic blog providers in China were temporarily shutdown in March 2004. The websites of the three blog providers, blogcn.com, blogbus.com and blogdriver.com, were not filtered or blocked through technical means, rather they were closed down. The home pages of each of the sites carried a message indicating that their services were temporarily suspended. The blog providers were reportedly closed down because they contained discussions concerning 'a letter' written by Dr. Jiang Yanyong pertaining to the Tiananmen Square massacre. Dr. Jiang's letter calls upon the Communist Party to admit it made a mistake in the way the protestors in Tiananmen Square in 1989 were treated and openly contradicts official government figures and statements concerning the SARS outbreak in China. The blog providers were later re-opened after purging the sensitive content. One of the blog providers, Blogbus, asked its users 'not to post any news about current events, sensitive content or political comments.' Although the blog providers have been re-opened, all three have implemented a filtering mechanism to control the content of blog posts.
"

Do I realy need to point?

2005-01-03T20:01:00.000Z

The need is great. The question what will I personally give (or giveup) to help?

buy nothing christmas

2004-11-28T14:10:00.000Z

http://www.buynothingchristmas.org

WAKE UP!

2004-11-23T18:47:00.000Z

Just an open note to the self rightiouse preachers who wish to complain about the rise in the number of gay persons. Duh! It is gradually becomeing more and more unfasionable to be masuline. You do the math. Sort it out! You are ment to be salt and light not rotten old meat.

What is the silliest thing you have ever done?

2004-11-15T18:38:00.000Z

Male Rights

2004-11-15T16:40:00.000Z

I found this just recently and had to revive this blog to post it.

In recognition of the growing degradation of the basic human right of all men, the following statement has been assembled the declaration of the rights of man-hood. Every male should be able to live at peace within his own country and not suffer in any way for being male. At no time should government or individual allow men to become the subject of unfair practices of law, employment or general freedom. It should be considered an offence to for anyone to force or compel any male to act or embrace a gender different to his own. A man should be free to “embrace his own masculinity” and should in now way be forced to become more feminine. A male should expect to live a life with out being subjected to messages of a bias nature of witness to accusations of his gender as a whole. No man should be judged according to his gender. No man should suffer loss of freedom or dignity due to his maleness. A mans abilities should not be questioned because of his perceived manliness or in anyway for his gender. The right to life, liberty and security of person and complete freedom from subjectigation to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment. Including but not limited to cruel and degrading humour as regards to one's gender. Freedom to be ones-self with out fear of criticism for being different to women. Freedom to enjoy the same rights and privileges as any other citizen including but not limited to the right to the same protections and provisions as any other citizen and the freedom to enjoy the normal rights of ownership and possession of goods, land, deeds and title. Freedom from threats, intimidation, slander or humiliation. The right to the same levels of leave (paid and unpaid), rate of wages, opportunity for advancement and benefits in work as any other employee without regard to Gender, Race, Creed or Age. To not be held back or advanced with regard to Gender, Race, Creed or Age. To in no way have one's ability as a parent, worker, voter or citizen evaluated according to gender. Irrespective of gender the right to equal pay for equal work. To live without social humiliation due to interests, hobbies, sporting endeavours or gender. To enjoy all the rights and freedoms of citizenship of our country without mockery, humiliation, slander or condemnation, without let or hindrance, without limitation, fee or fear, without unreasonable isolation, bias or hurdle to be free of all form of censorship that are imposed over and above the rules of our country; to be free from fear of being singled out and treated as inferior for any difference, reasonable ambition, or medical or biological requirement. To live a life without one's gender or social group being attacked openly or in secret in word or in deed. To live without fear of reprisal caused by lies and deceptions. To be male and masculine with out tax, fine or hindrance. To be male without fear of being condemned for lack of femininity. To be fairly represented in courts and in government. The enjoy the right to a fair and unbiased trial. To enjoy a fair hearing in all forms of law (Civil, Criminal and Family). To not suffer prejudice under law or in dealing with family welfare because of gender. The right to participate and enjoy the right of participation in relationships with out prejudice or fear of loss including but not limited to the right to enjoy and pursue a normal relationship with one's family and children without intimidation, fine, violence, harassment, slander, ley or additional duty and without questioning of one's ability as a father, lover, brother or friend questioned based upon issues of gender. Entitlement to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution. The right to father children with out fear of abuse, fine, harassment or loss. The right to a relationship with our children as fathers; with out fear, fine or disruption. The normal expectation of the protection of these rights under law and the ability to exercise these rights freely and openly. To be offered such protections as is necessary to not have recourse, as a last resort, to rebellion against tyranny and oppression against maleness.

2004-11-02T16:22:00.000Z

I remember distinctly a preacher at my church saying how bad/wrong Lord of the rings was because they summon the dead to fight for them in the end of the last book.

We were asked "now that's not very biblical now is it".

So how is that different from the "valley of dry bones" episode where the the prophet of God summons to life an army of dead people?

Answer no different.

Conclusion: that preacher is unable to see past his own conceit.

UK Men's Movement

2004-10-15T21:14:00.000Z

UK Men's Movement: "corruption to the written law, especially in the matrimonial area, including serious malpractices by solicitors, barristers and court welfare officers, has resulted in the removal of all rights men once held in marriage, over children, home, life savings and future income; "

2004-10-07T21:13:00.000Z

I wonder what open source christianity would be like?

random thoughts on the subject of church

2004-10-03T08:37:00.000Z

Unless indicated other wise all that foolows is a selection of thoughts, feelings and ideas. You may quote them but make sure you put my name with them (if it's my thought) "Matt B [uk]" will do fine. Links back are also nice.

Church life would be a heck of a lot easier if is wasn't for vicars, ministers and other leaders especially the self righteous ones. Hypocrites, fundamentalists and other pompous fools are by comparison easy to deal with.

Sometimes I'd just like to clime on God's lap and have a good cry and tell him all about the fundamental unfairness of it all. For this reason I'm pretty sure he has a near infinite supply of ultra soft hankies.

"In theory, the idea of churchgoing is marvellous. Unfortunately, in most churches it is a dull, anaesthetised experience where you come out feeling worse than when went in..." --From an article in The Times (UK) August 1990 (apparently)

Church is a large place where people gather to feel superior together; and I should know I used to be one of those people, now I stay at home and feel superior because some habits are harder to break than others.

If the a "free church" feels too good to marry me then I shall feel good about being free to not attend.

Sometimes at church I feel like saying to God: "Are you as fed up as I am? I tell you what - lets slip away quietly and I'll meet you at the pub in five minuets."

Sometimes, at some churches, I have felt that all they'd really like from me is my tithe.

When I was growing up I had this unavoidable sense that something was wrong about the way "we did church" - it didn't seem anything like the church in the bible. Years later, I started to attended a church that spoke (at length) about "challenging/changing the way we do church" and I was over joyed. It was only later that I realised we had only succeeded in being more efficient at doing what we'd always done.

I sometimes notice how relieved church officials look when I leave without having made a scene. It's at times like that that I really wish I possessed the ability to cause a massive disruption.

Some one who can understand how it feels to be alone.

2004-09-19T18:28:00.000Z

I think I'm just tired and heavey-laiden. I could do with some rest for me soul but all I keep finding is churches and people.

Some times

2004-09-18T19:47:00.000Z

Sometimes I don't want to go to church I want to stand outside an have a protest and shout and wave banners and placards and scream and hurl all the hurt I've had inflicted by churches right at them in a fire ball of misery and swearing.

I want to shout "where were you when..." and I want to know why I disdained for having had my wife cheat on me and then run off. I want to know why despite the bible clearly holding me blameless and free to remarry without any penalty I am looked down on for not holding my family together. It's be easier if they slighted me on sexual prowess and skill or something, but to be hated for failing in the impossible - that's just unfair. I want to know why, despite a Rhema (living) word - a direct communication from the mouth of God himself saying: "That's enough, I can't bare to see you suffer any more", I am brushed under the rug of life as an embarrassing failure?

(It shock me up good and proper that communication did! I was alone on the top deck of a bus weeping uncontrollably and telling God that I'd pay any price to heal the breach. I mentioned Amos and I drew other comparisons and I said over and over "any price, just tell me what" and then God actually spoke to me clear as day on the top deck of the number 9 bus weeping on my way to college it was like my spirit access another plane of existence and from that place a voice spoke and I knew it was my master.)

I want to know "where were you, this so called all-mighty community-impacting church, when..." and then to list another time of hurt when I was all alone. Over and over again.

All alone in the cold and dark.

weeping unseen.

Wailing on my knees night and day before God begging him to act.

where was the church that judges me now?

They were having their little meetings and running "discipleship courses" and expecting me to memorise more scriptures from less poetic translations (I happen to love the King James Version (The Original Authorised Version to some.)). How was that going to get me out of dept, bring back my wife and son or put food in my house?

Where were they the time I had £8 to buy two weeks worth of food. Where were they the months I lived on nothing but bread and cheap cheese?

I saw Jesus in people then. The non-churched people who befriended me. The people who donated food because they simply had to much and "Matt's a student, he'll want it". Gods provision was not via the church it was via the so called unrighteous. With the important exception of one Christian lady who visited me to help me tidy up. I thought she'd done the weeks shopping for her family on the way over and quite reasonably didn't want to leave it in the car. I'd never seen so many bags. Food, cleaning stuff, soap, microwave meals, Tins, baby food, bleach, luxury loo-roll (all the nicer for having had to borrow rough cheap rolls from other people), "thou preparest a table before me in the midst of my enemies".

I have learned though that while the hand of God is not short that it can not save the church is a load of crap and it's a good job God loves them.

Then all that seems so petty compared to the utter hunger and thirst for righteousness that I saw in every line of a blog by a catholic man living the US. My petty blitherings about unsupported self obsessed ass-holes seems petty pathetic.

Maybe God chastises with a sense of humour.

Church #2

2004-09-16T21:40:00.000Z

I still don't understand that "message" and I have not been back to church since...

The puritanical can at least condemn me properly now and yet I just can't be assed to care. I've seen to many hurting and vulnerable young people driven away by the current leadership.

I used to feel so welcomed at church, cared for even. Now I prefer to sit outside in the "overflow" room with the nursing mothers and little children.

I used to be missed and face the questions of was I sick and did I need a lift and "you should have called me". Now days I turn up once or twice a month and no-one notices that I was gone.

My Home group hosts have "left" the church under conditions that suggest a control freak at play and I only found out that "cell" had moved (to God only knows where) when I bumped into my (ex)homegroup host while he fixed his car one day. (I was walking out on my "job" at the time). I asked him: "does cell start again this week" (they always stop for the summer holidays) and then he said that it wouldn't be happening at his house any more and then he said why.

They (the church) could have told me but I guess I just smell too much or something.

I tried all sorts of ways to talk the guy into patching things up but by the time I'd dragged the story from him (plus a dozen great stories of God looking after him and his wife) I wanted to leave too.

It's hard enough wanting to bring your sub culture to church with you at the best of times but when your friends are mostly all bikers, punks and goths you feel that maybe you shouldn't.

the fact that one of the leaders has lied to me at least twice and about me at least once doesn't really help much

i left my last church when it was huge under stories and lies and bad mouthing and now those that mocked me have left too.

All that leaving and acrimony and being betrayed and I have to do it again.

I feel right now like writing to these people and saying look how you have lied and betrayed me. I hope god forgives you because I don't think I can.

I also feel like saying some unprintable things.

but

What if I'm wrong, and their right and I'm just a sinner and failed and useless and what if I'm just thinking this because someone I respect greatly (with qualifications I respect [degrees with honours in theology for example] and accomplishments I admire [working with orphans and then adopting them and taking them back to the UK with them when they were forced to return]) has left and feels hurt.

What if I'm just mad because the paster spoke to me in a condescending and belittling manor and with the support of his co-paster and youth-worker. What if I'm just angry because he said stuff that wasn't true and I was to frightened to answer back because they had me cornered and I was having flash backs to the PE teacher that bullied me for five years? What if I just feel wronged over the minor points and the heavy handed approach to things.

But the truth of the matter is: I was lied to. I was betrayed and I have every right to feel sceptical that they will do anything (because time has told in these matter) and they can shout all they like but they are still bullies and liers even if they are pastors of a church of 300 people and the biggest church ever in the area and leaders of the AOG for the area ta-boot!

They lied to me and they lied about me. Worse of all they let me down.

I should have been married a year and half to two years ago not fighting to sort something out because my church simply doesn't care and can't be assed to get properly licenced and then when they cock it up they shout at me and point the finger and shout unclean unclean unclean...

I am a sinner

I was born a sinner

I shall die a sinner

In the meantime I am sorry I am a sinner and I feel highly honoured to be counted as a forgiven sinner.

I don't want to play games I just want to get married to the mother of my children.

...without the help of my "home church" if need be.

After that maybe I can look at setting up a church for my mates to come to. A punk/goth/biker church - now that'd be something.

Shelter: England home page

2004-09-10T10:40:00.000Z

Shelter: England home page

This link has been sitting in my blog in draft mode for 6 days poor thing.

Bible Gateway : JAS 1:27;

2004-09-06T13:18:00.000Z

Bible Gateway : JAS 1:27;: "James 1v27 - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. "

Church

2004-09-05T13:16:00.000Z

Today a woman stood up and told us that God wanted us to "Lay Down" things that we thaught were important.

Academic Qualifications
Dreams
Hopes
Plans
Relationships

What does it mean "to lay down". Is that the same as "to give up"? Give up you dreams? Give up relationships (Dump your fiencee, walk out on your wife? abandon your friends?).

What practical measure of "to lay down" is there as something for me to look at? An example?

She also spoke about yokes being broken but all I could think of was "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

The whole thing was a super power atomic christian code and I could not comprihend any practicle application or action that was not damaging or hurting some one or something. I could stop trying to start my business and just laze on benifit? I could stop trying to improve life for my family?

I wonder how many people in that building truely knew what the message ment? I wonder how many people could envisage any practical action that might be required of them aside from feel suitably spoken to? I wonder too how many girlfriends, boyfriends and engaged persons will split up. I wonder how many students will quite their causes for God? I wonder if there are people who feel they must give up hope (for God obviously)?

I worry about the secret failed christians in that room who might do something stupid in an attempt to follow and obay God's voice. I feel truely tearfull for their loss.

Scoop: Father's Day Feel-Good 'Fact' Misleads

2004-09-04T17:35:00.000Z

Scoop: Father's Day Feel-Good 'Fact' Misleads: "Father's Day is no celebration for thousands of disaffected Dads. Statistics New Zealand might like to dress it up with feel-good 'facts' about fathers but we need to face the reality of the declining role of fathers in today's society."

Book of Psalms, Chapter 82, (KJV): "Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked."

VOANews.com

2004-09-04T17:29:00.000Z

VOANews.com: "As Sudan's rainy season draws closer, the threats of famine, disease, and death loom large for two million Sudanese affected by rebel fighting in Western Darfur. "

...and yet we remain silent. The blood of thousands is on our heads as we turn our heads and pretend we do not see. ("...when you do it not to the least of these - you do it not to me...")

My heart feels sadness everytime I think of this but over shadowing that is anger. I am angry that so many choose silence and in-action in the face of such injustice. Any country in the west could front suffiecient soldiers to create a safe passage for aid workers. Why have we not acted?

We "the church" have failed.

2004-09-01T15:22:00.000Z

The starving
Those on state benifits strugling to make ends meet
Fathers campaigning to see thier children
Entire sub-cultures savaged by the media without a voice to answer (one website speaks up)
The lost guy beaten on his way home
The drunk guy that bugs you for loose change
Fathers short of money due to Child Support Burdens
The 13 year old mum with two kids and no future
Those with no voice
The lonely young people living togeather because it's all they have
The couple too poor to afford a wedding ostrosised by their church for not being "married"
The single guy too lonely to speek up, burdened by secret guilt
The twenty and thirty somethings who feel they have nothing to offer
The devorced guy who feel secretly condemed by the churches unyelding focus on marrage
The single fathers unsupported by thier church
The single mothers spacely support by thier church
The suisidle
The OAP, sitting watching TV waiting for death in a home that stinks of urine
The lonely people who just don't fit in to thier middle class church culture
The depression sufferers who have been told they've failed because they (still) feel unhappy
The violent offenders at the local county court - friendless and in need
The recriational drug users
The larger lout
The mum who just needs some-one to believe in her
The rape victim (male or female)
The rapest (male or female)
The addicted
Those sick and dieing in hospitles, without the hope of a single visitor ever
The drunks
The Jobless
The little child playing on the street because mummy doesn't want them "getting in the way"
The refugee
Those hurting through war
Those being killed right now
The Theif
The debter
The bankrupt
The social campaigner, cieing out unheard for justice
The social outcast the youth workers "just happen to miss"
The prositute
The "failed christian" (link 1), (link 2), (link 3)
The woman suffering as a result of an abortion
The unemployable
The smelly
The whore
The unforgiven
The teenager confused by apparent hipocrasy
The violent
The husband basher (link)
The young person hurt and abused by so called religiouse leaders
The unstable
The wife beater
The unhappy
The parent campaigning to see change that will allow them to see their children.
The children suffering through devorce
The lonely
The failure
The secretly hurting
The guy who just wants some-one to love him but wouldn't dare say so

I put it to you that the moral and social voice of this world is woefully silent on far too many issues.

I put it to you that we have failed. We should be totally ashamed. We have failed. I, therefore, have failed too. I will probably fail many times, but then as a failure (human) I should be used to that by now.

"It doen't matter what you've done, it matters what you'll be. There is no condemnation when the son has set you free." --Don Fransisco

Adrian Plass: First Harvest

2004-08-30T18:29:00.000Z

Adrian Plass: First Harvest: "But I loved my mother's reaction to that first small harvest. My mum died six years ago. I'll really miss her talent for appreciating. It taught me something about God. We haven't much to offer, but whatever it is, loaves and fishes, time, concern for others - radishes, he'll take it, appreciate it and perhaps use it in ways we never dreamed of. So exciting!"

Adrian Plass: A Critical Point

2004-08-14T18:27:00.000Z

Adrian Plass: A Critical Point:
"Freely I confess my sins
For God has poured his grace in
But when another lists my faults
I want to smash his face in."